FADE IN: page 1.
EXT: DEFORMED WEED PATCH - DAY
PAN CLOSE on ground-level view of patches of not-of-this- earth, sickly, and deformed plants and weeds.
PAN catches up with the moving OS voices (just underground) of LENNY, who has a slight hillbilly twang and MARSHALL, with a phony, refined sound to his speech.
The noxious plants quiver and shake as Lenny and Marshall pass under the rotting roots to show forward movement.
LENNY (OS) Mannnnn! Did you cut one?
Marshall has heard this same boring routine a thousand times before.
MARSHALL (OS) (ho-hum) No, Lenny, I didn't cut one.
LENNY (O.S.) Yeahhhh ya did!
MARSHALL (OS) (annoyed) This'll be the last time I say this, Lenny! The very last time! This place always stinks like this!
CAMERA PANS AHEAD, stops at the base of a shabby signpost, and starts a SLOW PAN up the post as they talk.
MARSHALL (OS) (continuing) You've been bitchin' about this smell all your life. Your father complained about it...
CAMERA STOPS UPWARD PAN on signpost and PULLS BACK on the sign so we can read it. It's framed by dozens of skulls and crossbones. It reads: HAZARDOUS WASTE DUMP. DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! KEEP AT LEAST 500 MILES DISTANCE! IF YOU CAN READ THIS ... RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! page 2.
MARSHALL (OS) (continuing) ... just like his father, his father's father, and his father's father's father before him!
Their two heads POP UP out of the ground just under the sign.
LENNY Hey, man, it's just a little humor to try and make a stink-o situation tolerable!
They squirm up out to their holes to reveal they are goofy- looking worms ... with hands and arms.
Lenny(the skinnier one) puts his hand up to his chin, his eyes fixed on the sign.
LENNY (continuing) What d'ya think that sign says? It don't look real friendly.
MARSHALL How would I know. Worms don't read.
LENNY What's read?
MARSHALL You know ...like ... (starts reading) "Hazardous waste dump! Danger! Danger! Danger! Keep at least 500 miles distance! If you can read this ... run for your life!
MARSHALL is startled at what he's just done.
MARSHALL (continuing) Hey! I didn't know I could do that! (a beat) "Run for your life???"
MARSHALL and LENNY look at each other as the words start to sink in. page 3.
MARSHALL/LENNY (UNISON) (panicked) Run--for--your--life? (scream) Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiii!
WIDER ANGLE as they dive into the ground and we see their two dirt mounds ZIP OFF and disappear in the direction of the distant setting sun.
INT. UNDERGROUND WORM CAVE
Lenny and Marshall are up on a dirt mound in front of a big crowd of worms. They all have arms (and hands).
LENNY I'm tellin' you the sign said this ain't no place to be.
LENNY'S MOM Now son, you know you have a tendency to ... well ... exaggerate!
Lenny turns towards Marshall.
LENNY You tell 'em, Marshall!
MARSHALL He's telling the truth. I saw it too.
MARSHALL'S DAD My boy, we been living here for generations and nothing bad has happened to us so far.
WORM IN THE CROWD Yeah! Where would we go anyway?
MARSHALL That's why we got you together. Lenny and I thought we might just go out and look around a little.
LENNY Yeah. What could it hurt? page 4.
OLD WORM Frankly, sonny, I ain't going no place else. I like it here just fine.
LENNY Gramps! This place stinks! I mean it really stinks! We're just talking about lookin'.
OLD WORM Stinks? Huh. I sorta like the way this place smells.
Every worm in the cave turns toward the old worm with sour expressions on their faces.
CROWD (UNISON) (disgusted) Ouuuuuughhhhhhhhhhhhh.......
OLD WORM HEY! Just call me adaptable!
LENNY See! See what I mean. This place ain't so perfect as you like to think.
MARSHALL'S DAD Point well taken, Lenny. So what do you two have in mind? What's your plan?
Lenny and Marshall give each other a blank stare.
MARSHALL/LENNY (UNISON) Plan?
LENNY Oh, yeah! Plan! Sure we got a plan.
EXT. ROADSIDE - DAY
Lenny and Marshall are peeking up out of their holes at the traffic roaring by on the nearby highway.
MARSHALL Okay. What's your plan?