page 13.
GREEN WORM
(timidly)
You got it right. They ain't
never seen no worms with arms
before. Course neither have I.
MARSHALL
At last, one of us.
He extends his hand out to shake. The green worm comes the
rest of the way out of the can for a closer look at the
extended arm.
An embarrassed Marshall sees the green worm has no arms.
MARSHALL
(continuing)
Oops! Ah, sorry!
GREEN WORM
For what?
MARSHALL
You know. About your losing your
arms.
GREEN WORM
What are you talking about. I
never had arms. Worms don't have
arms. They're not supposed to
have arms.
LENNY
Just relax, friend.
Lenny puts his arm up around the green worm's shoulders (if
he had any) to comfort him.
LENNY
(continuing)
I can see right off that things
here in Hollywood are different
than the rest of the world.
page 14.
Marshall joins Lenny and the green worm.
MARSHALL
(pick it up)
... but in the real world ...
well, worms have arms.
An orange worm (he has no arms, but otherwise, very much like
Lenny and Marshall) pops up out of the circle of dirt that
has been cut out of the sidewalk for the tree to grow through.
ORANGE WORM
Ah, I doooooooon't think so.
LENNY
(freaked)
Oh, man! Not another one. This
place is startin' to freak me out!
(to the orange worm)
Oooops, sorry.
MARSHALL
What do you figure the odds are
of running into two of these guys
in one day?
ORANGE WORM
Maybe you haven't noticed but
we're not the freaks around here.
LENNY
Well, duhhh! You're not? You
better take another look at
yourself, pal.
Thirty more (armless) worms pop up out of the dirt.
MANY ORANGE WORMS (UNISON)
(valley girl sing-
song)
Helllllllllllllll-loooooooow ...
Lenny and Marshall give each other a bewildered stare.
WIDER ANGLE to include Benny.
Benny has been crouched behind the trash can watching. He
SPRINGS OUT, SCOOPS up Lenny and Marshall in his fist, races
back to his bus, and dives in the open door, slamming it
closed behind him.
INT: BENNY'S BUS
page 15.
He's sitting in a seat of the empty bus and shaking with
excitement.
BENNY
(excitedly to the
camera)
I don't believe it! Worms with
arms! WORMS WITH ARMS!!!
He looks down at his closed fist.
BENNY
(continuing)
Back in Nevada, I heard rumors
about these things but nobody ever
caught one! I'm gonna be rich ---
rich --- RICH!!!
Lenny's head and arms pop up through the top of Lenny's
closed fist. He's pissed.
LENNY
(pissed)
Pal! You better open your sweaty
fist fast!
BENNY
(mock fright)
Ouuuuuuugh --- is the big bad worm
gonna hurt me?
(laughs)
Marshall peeks out from between Lenny's fingers.
MARSHALL
You better listen to him, buddy!
BENNY
(still mock fright)
Ouuuuuugh --- now I'm realllllly
scared! Two tough worms!
CLOSER ON Benny and the two worms as Lenny reaches down,
grabs one of Benny's fingers, and starts bending it back.
BENNY
(continuing; in pain)
Hey! Ouch! Stop that you little
slim-wod!
Benny fumbles around on the trash-covered bus floor for
anything he can hit the worm with. He grabs an empty jar,
slams it down over his fist and the two worms.
page 16.
He jerks his hand out and screws the cap on.
ANOTHER ANGLE ON Benny and the worms.
BENNY
(continuing; devilish
giggle)
Now, you puke-sticks. Let's see
you get out of there!
Benny plops the jar on the trash covered dashboard.
BENNY
(continuing)
Enjoy the tour, freaks. I'm gonna
cash you in for big bucks!
EXT. HOLLYWOOD AND VINE - DAY
The smoke-spewing bus makes its way through the congested
street and out of sight.
WIPE TO:
EXT. UCLA CAMPUS - DAY
Benny's dilapidated bus chugs up to a HANDICAPPED PARKING
SIGN and stops. The bus doors creak open and Benny, carrying
the worm jar, gets out.
As he passes a couple of students in wheelchairs, one shouts
at him.
STUDENT
Hey! That's handicapped parking,
creep.
Without even turning or missing a beat, Benny starts a major
limp. He rounds the corner, out of sight of the students in
the wheelchairs and goes back to his normal/abnormal gait.
As he walks along, he keeps passing one gorgeous, bikini-
clad, book-carrying student (all girls) after another.
BENNY
(his tongue is
dragging)
Man, these California chicks are
something else!
page 17.
CLOSE ON Lenny and Marshall. Their faces (their eyes are
popping out of their heads) are smashed up against the side
of the glass jar.
LENNY
Man, these California chicks are
something else!
ANOTHER ANGLE ON Benny carrying the jar as he walks into a
building with a MARQUEE that reads UCLA RESEARCH DEPARTMENT.
INT. HALLWAY OF RESEARCH BUILDING
The hall is jammed with all sizes and shapes of cages. Each
one has a different kind of animal. They're in different
stages of being shaved, hooked-up-to, grafted on with,
stitched up, hung up, and screwed up.
As Benny walks by all this horror, he's totally unaffected.
He stops in front of a large observation window and looks in.
BENNY'S POV:
A doctor and his assistant are shoving more and more
cigarettes into the already packed mouth of a giant gorilla
who is strapped down to a chair. The gorilla is gagging and
gasping for air. Suddenly, he sneezes and the cigarettes
(like nails) are blasted out of his mouth, nailing the doctor
and assistant to the wall.
In another corner a little bunny is strapped in a miniature
electric chair. The technician throws the switch and the
bunny is zapped into a pile of smoldering, frizzled fur.
PAN ON over to a tattered cat being lowered by a claw-like
device into the open mouth of a huge snake. The cat is
fighting to stay out of the reach of the snake. The claw
opens and the cat drops into the snake's open mouth.
The smiling snake gulps the cat down. We see the lump of the
kicking and screeching cat moving down the inside of the
snake's body. Suddenly, a large bowling ball falls from
above and the soggy cat is blasted out the other end of the
snake.
ANGLE ON Benny as he smiles an approving smile. He's holding
the worm jar under his arm.
ANGLE ON Lenny and Marshall in the Jar. The two worms are
horrified at what they have been watching but they can't take
their eyes off the scene.
page 18.
LENNY
(hypnotic trance)
I --- I --- don't think we're
still in Kansas, Marshall ---
MARSHALL
(shaky)
Nevada! You mean Nevada.
LENNY
(still traumatized)
Yeah! Yeah! Whatever.
SECURITY GUARD (OS)
(yells)
HEY! YOU!
They are instantly jerked OS.
ANGLE ON Benny and SECURITY GUARD. The guard is holding
Benny up by the back of his shirt and shouts in his face.
Benny is still holding the worm jar in his hand.
SECURITY GUARD
Where's your badge? You ain't
suppose to be in this building
without no badge!
The guard pulls Benny closer.
SECURITY GUARD
(continuing)
You ain't one of them bleedin'-
heart-anti-vivisectionists-
protestors-creeps, are you?
BENNY
(stammering for words)
Not me! I --- I like vivisection!
I love vivisectors! Watchin'
people cuttin up live animals is
my life.
SECURITY GUARD
(with a smile)
You too? Me too!
SECURITY GUARD
(continuing; stern
again)
But you still ain't suppose to be
in here without no badge!
Benny shoves the worm jar in the face of the guard.
page 19.
BENNY
I got something special here!
SECURITY GUARD
Yeah? Yeah? So what? Worms in
a jar!
BENNY
Take another look, buster!
The guard, still holding Benny up in the air with one hand,
snatches the jar out of Benny's hand. He looks closer.
SECURITY GUARD
Okay! I looked! Big deal! Worms
with arms!
He shoves the jar back in Benny's hand.
SECURITY GUARD
(continuing)
You got any idea what's runnin'
around this place with extra arms,
tails, heads. You name it, we got
it!
EXT: RESEARCH BUILDING
Benny comes flying out the door from a swift kick by the
Guard. Benny BOUNCES down the sidewalk and SLAMS into the
side of a near-by building. The worm jar goes flying. Benny
is out cold.
The OS guard's voice fades as he walks back down the hall.
SECURITY GUARD (OS)
Sheeeeeesh! Worms with arms! Kid's
stuff!
PAN WITH THE BOTTLE
It rolls down the sidewalk, bounces over some stairs, glances
off the tennis shoe of a student, and rolls down the grassy
lawn.
ANGLE ON a PEDIGREED DOG and the worm jar. The dog GRABS the
worm jar and runs OS.
WENTWORTH (OS)
(affected snooty
accent)
Oh...Good, dog! Goooood, dog!
page 20.
ANGLE ON WENTWORTH who is meticulously dressed, holding a
tennis racket in one hand, with a tennis sweater wrapped
around his waist.
The dog comes bounding up with the worm jar in his mouth.
Wentworth takes the jar out of the dog's mouth.
WENTWORTH
What have you got there, ol' pup?
He holds it up for a closer look.
WENTWORTH
(continuing)
Hmmmmm. Worms in a jar. Worms
with arms.
He glances OS in the direction of the research building.
WENTWORTH
(continuing)
It must be from the research
building.
He glances back down at the jar, then at the dog.
WENTWORTH
(continuing)
I suppose I have to take it back.
LENNY (OS)
(yells)
DON'T TAKE IT BACK!
A surprised Wentworth looks around.
WENTWORTH
Who said that?
LENNY
I said that! In the jar!
CLOSE ON Wentworth and the worms in the jar. He holds the jar
up to his face for a closer look.
LENNY
(continuing;
demanding)
Take off the lid! It's gettin
rank in here.
MARSHALL
Not to mention --- we're running
out of air.
